Okay, yes, I do realize that it was incredibly naive of me to believe things could really be that simple… but, hey, a girl can dream can’t she?

I seem to be in this crazy cycle of being forced into major decisions and no matter how hard I slam on the brakes, life just will not slow down. Overwhelmed is such an understatement; basically, just look at me wrong and I very well may burst into tears {you’ve been warned…}

While these decisions don’t get easier, and day-to-day I really have no idea what I’m even doing, I’ve come to realize that I’ve lost sight of the most important thing: I’ve lost sight of the plan the Father has for me. I’ve neglected consulting Him; I’ve failed to ask Him to show me the way.

I mean, yeah, when times get tough I beg Him to tell me what to do… to “give me a sign” (ha, bet He’s never heard that one before…) I plead with Him that I’m struggling, which while, yes, it is very true, it’s pathetic to think He doesn’t know. It’s crazy to think He doesn’t feel my pain and to ignore that when my heart breaks, His breaks too.

I’ve been distracted for a while now. I’ve been focused on other people, on other situations and on my own plans way too much. As my mind is constantly set on whirlwind mode, I’ve been careless about coming to the One who can put it at ease. For too long, I’ve let my guard down, I’ve gotten comfortable in my faith and I’ve let myself get lazy.

I’m not telling you this so that I can be proud of confessing my shortcomings or to make myself feel better. I just wanted to share myself with you with the hope that you won’t follow in my footsteps. Or if you already have, maybe this can be the wake up call we both needed.

As these decisions keep chugging along, (I don’t expect them to stop anytime soon) I want to put my eyes back on the One who set my path in the first place. I’m going to take the time to make Him the focus. I plan on asking him daily to guide my steps and deliver me from all of this crazy stress. I’ve made the decision that this distance that I’ve been struggling with between the Lord and I will no longer be my excuse. Sometimes all you need is to realize that the lies you tell yourself, “I can’t go back”, “It’s too hard”, “I’m fine where I’m at”, etc. are nothing more than that: lies. All that He requires of us is to run back to Him and right now is the time to stop walking away.