Sometimes when I’m feeling especially nostalgic, I like to go back and read some of the blogs I’ve written over the past four years since I started this whole adventure. I like to look back and remember how I was feeling or what I was thinking in all these different times of my life. It’s safe to say that some of the things that worried me or confused me or excited me have changed since my junior year of high school, but at my core I find that I’m just that same 16-year-old girl who talked too much and drank a ton of coffee.

In reading back over these old posts, I usually come across one or two that I really just love. There’s some that, even now, are as meaningful to me as the day I wrote them. I can remember exactly what was happening in my life, how I felt, where I was, all of it. Nothing on these pages is masterpiece-worthy by any means, but they’re my own thoughts and feelings and I suppose if anyone around here would think they’re even the slightest bit useful, it could probably be me.

As much as I love the memories behind some of these posts, the thought typically crosses my mind: That’s it. I’ve peaked.

It probably sounds silly, but in case you haven’t noticed, there hasn’t been a ton of activity around here in the last year or so. The reason for that being that I suddenly felt as if I had no idea what I was doing here or why I was doing it. I was (and honestly continue to be) overwhelmed with the idea that with millions and millions of people on the internet, what could I possibly say that was any more meaningful or different or significant than the rest of them? Every time I’ve sat down to write, I’ve really tried to force it. For hours, even, I’ll stare at the blank page and I’ll type and erase and type and erase and I get so frustrated because I just know that I’ll never be as good as I once was.

And that’s the problem.

I’ve somehow convinced myself that since this thing that I love to do has gotten a little harder to kickoff, I must be no good at it. I told myself that since it is no longer “easy,” it may as well be over. I’ve considered time and time again to just close-up shop and don’t look back. We had a good run, right?

But each time, I couldn’t do it. Mostly because I like to have somewhere to turn when my head gets cluttered, when I hear something important and want to share my take, when I just want to reach people in and beyond my own little corner of the world. I’m well aware that I’m not any more intelligent, insightful, or eloquent than all those other people on the internet, but I might as well keep on anyways. This is something I love, and if there’s room for photos of our coffees on Instagram and for arguments on Twitter, there’s probably some space here for me, too.

I realize this may come across as me begging for your attention and appreciation and praise. But I sincerely ask you not to take it as such. It’s simply an explanation for my absence and maybe a little encouragement for you in whatever challenging road you find yourself on.

I hope you realize that even the things we love get hard to keep up with. Maybe it’s something small. Maybe you can’t run as fast, sing as well, or dream as big as you once did.

Or maybe it’s a little bigger. Maybe our families get harder to take care of, our friends get harder to keep in touch with, and our job gets harder to balance. I’m sure, at some point or another you’ll realize this. That the ease of pursuing our passions, chasing our dreams, loving our hobbies, and just living our lives fades over time. And yeah, it’s unfair – it can feel like you’ve lost yourself in it all. But, it’s more unfair to throw in the towel just because now you have to practice, study, work, or love just a little bit more. You can always take a break (like, I don’t know, a 6-months-in-between-blog-posts type of break) but you’ve gotta get back out there.

Maybe 17 or 35 or 50 year-old you was killin’ it, and you’re just not sure you have it in you anymore. But go for it anyways. Shoot your shot. Buy that gym membership, make the phone call, schedule the family dinner, draft the blog post. Get back in the game and put in the effort on whatever it is that drives your heart in the right direction. You may not win a Pulitzer or a Grammy or the Heisman, but you just might feel a little more loved, a little more fulfilled and really, really proud. And in the end, what more could you ask for?

So, yeah, you could say you peaked. But after you ride it out for a while, get ready for the trip back up. You never know, it could be a wild ride.