I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but a lot of the times when I feel like throwing some words on this computer screen, I’ll look back over old posts for a little inspiration. Not that I find myself particularly inspiring or notably wise, I just like to remember the things I’ve experienced and to reminisce on thoughts I’ve felt warranted the time to jot them down for all the internet to see. Today, however, I wasn’t intending to write anything. As a matter of fact, this is the last thing I should be doing as the hours tick by before one of my last exams of the semester (and all of undergrad for that matter) tomorrow morning. But as I found new ways to procrastinate, I clicked to my page and scrolled.

I literally scrolled through years of my life. I laughed at the way I used big words in hopes that you’d see me as less of a child. I cringed at the jokes I tried to make that probably didn’t translate well through the text on the screen. I remembered each moment and each feeling as if they were yesterday. But what captured my attention most – and the reason I find myself putting off my studying a little while longer – is the way I wrote about the things I was afraid of, the worries I had, the questions I had no answers to. All the great wonderings of what my future would bring compiled in text files on the internet just waiting for me to realize what I realized today: the future is here, and I figured it out (so far.)

For those of you who have been following along for some time now, I thought we could take a quick trip down memory lane…

July 1, 2014: It’s Going To Be Okay

Truly a tale as old as time: sophomore girl dates senior boy. Young love at its finest, and then the boy breaks her heart. I wrote this at a time when I was so hurt and so confused about what was going on in my life. It felt like the biggest hurt I could imagine, and even though the words on the page said I knew I would be okay – I wasn’t that sure. If that girl… that sad, heartbroken 17-year-old girl, could have known the great highs and lows that would get her to where she is today, five years later, she would have really understood that it was just part of the process… and I guess now she does.

February 9, 2015: An Open Letter to the Freshman Girl

For every 15 year old girl so anxious and excited about those highly-anticipated four years: high school. Only 4 months away from graduation, I was feeling so old and wise. So full of advice. I look back on that girl and I remember so well the desire to share all that I learned during my years as a Viking, and it makes me think about all I’ve learned since that day. While I’m still not very old and probably not very wise, it feels as though a lifetime has gone by and I realize how much more could be written to yet another freshman girl, but this one would be four years older than the first.

April 26, 2015: Moments Like These

When the moments became memories. I look back on this post and I recognize the feeling – time becoming more and more fleeting, trying so hard to hold on to days that are flying by. I find myself there a lot these days… once again very close to graduation, and I’m not sure I’ve ever related to my 17 year old self more.

But the difference between she and I is that, four years ago, she didn’t know all that was waiting for her. Four months later she would meet her best friend on the third day of college and over the next four years she’d go on road trips in cars that were far too cramped, fall in love with Gator football, spend hours laughing and studying and having the best time doing nothing. She would experience great and painful loss that would grow her and teach her more than she imagined, and she would find joy in the days to come.

It’s this dive into the past that gives me hope for the future. It reminds me that I can feel nostalgic and sentimental and extremely mushy as college wraps up, but I also can rely on the hope that there is so much to look forward to.

May 26, 2015: Ready or Not, Here it Comes

Days after my 18th birthday, I attended my last day of high school. Despite looking forward to that for so long, I really didn’t know how I was gonna tackle the future. I talked a big game and hyped myself up, but I was scared. I didn’t think I was ready. I was so scared to leave my friends and my family. I was scared I wouldn’t be okay. I hated the idea of change… I’d had the same friends for most of my life, I didn’t really even know if I knew how to make new ones.

spoiler alert: I would be okay

At times it was a struggle and there were days I was certain I had made the wrong choice about where to spend these four years. But then, before I knew it, I made those friends and I got comfortable where I was and I starting crushing my classes and somewhere along the way it all just got so much easier.

I find so much comfort in this as I think about the changes that are ahead. Living in a new city for the summer, starting grad school, graduating for real and starting my life. I’m scared again because I don’t know what it’s going to look like or how smoothly it’ll go, but I have confidence in knowing that I did it once and I can do it again.

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I realize this all was likely far more for my enjoyment than for yours, but whether you stuck with me or scrolled to the end just to see how long I managed to make this, what I hope you’ll remember is this:

• The things that break you are usually the very things that shape you into who you’re meant to be.
• The things you learn the hard way create an incredible opportunity to help those around you.
• The days-gone-by are meant to go by and you never know what could be just around the corner (but don’t forget to tuck those memories in your back pocket and save ’em for a rainy day.)
• The things you can’t do because you’re scared just might be the exact things you’re meant to do, and they’ll probably take you to the places you never knew you were going.

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P.S. don’t think this is getting you out of an obligatory end-of-college blog post. I have two graduations ahead of me, I’m certain there’s more where this came from!