I have always been one of those people who loved the idea of exercising and then hated every minute of the actual exercise part. Put aside the fact that it’s “healthy” and “necessary” and all that… it’s really just hard and uncomfortable. Or at least, really hard and uncomfortable until you actually do it more than, I don’t know, once every two or three weeks?

It feels like every semester over the last 4 years or so (because as a student my life is measured in semesters, not seasons) I’ve told myself that THIS is the semester I’m actually gonna work out and get healthy. I’ll sit down, make a specific plan knowing exactly what exercises the internet thinks I should do every day, and I act as if it’s chiseled in stone. Call me crazy, but I just love a good plan and if it’s written in my planner and color coded, that’s all the better.

So I’ll start one day on this workout plan and man I’ll be feeling good. Maybe I’ll even make it happen two days in a row. But as soon as this master plan I’ve set gets a little derailed, I may as well just throw it in the trash because I know I’m just not going to pick it back up. I act like I’m holding myself so strictly to this plan set before me – this decision that I have to do X, Y, and Z on this particular day – that if I miss a day or can’t do exactly what a specific workout program calls for  (because, let’s face it, I’m just not in good enough shape yet) I get discouraged and I quit. Then, a few weeks or months later, I’ll start the whole thing all. over. again.

This cycle has not occurred only once or twice. My guess would be closer to the 25 or 30 times range. This summer alone, it’s happened at least two or three times since I’ve been home from school. I get it in my head that if I don’t (or can’t) do exactly what the plan calls for, the whole thing is useless and I’m better off not even trying.

Do you know what this annoying thing I do reminds me of?

Reading the Word.

Do you know why?

Because I do this exact same thing whenever I pick up my Bible.

I do my best to be as transparent as possible on these pages, and I don’t want it to ever come across like I have it all together and do everything right, because trust me that is far from the truth. When it comes to reading my Bible, I honestly might be the worst.

One day maybe I’ll be feeling really bad about it, so I’ll open my phone and find a reading plan on my Bible app. And so it begins.

The first day? Great. Three chapters, done. Sometimes I’ll even follow through for three or four days, but inevitably, I get “busy” and the plan comes to a screeching halt. In my head, then, if I’ve missed one day… what’s the harm in two? And two becomes ten, and ten becomes thirty, and before I know it my phone is reminding me that it’s the last day of my reading plan and I go back and see that I haven’t read since day 5. Maybe I’ll have picked it up intermittently during that time, for small groups and church, but there was obviously no consistency. And so, in my guilt of realizing how long it’s been since I last dug into the Word, I open the Bible app on my phone and pick a new plan.

And this cycle perpetuates itself over and over and over again until I don’t even want to start anymore because I just know I won’t finish it. Because the pressure of knowing I have to read these specific chapters on these specific days and that eventually I will have read through the entire Old Testament is daunting at best. It’s a standard I feel like I can’t live up to because I just never have before.

I’ve sat in countless Bible studies and other group situations where we’ve discussed why we don’t read our Bibles more, and I know that typically my reasoning for that is this: when it comes down to it, it’s just not a short term priority.

Long-term? Absolutely. I always see future me being immersed in the Word.

But short term? It never seems to fall in line.

And when I look at this reality, it’s really discouraging because it’s not a matter of wanting to be close to God or the desire to have a strong relationship with him now or later. The problem is I’ve gotten it in my head that if I’m gonna do it, I have to be in a place in my life where I have all the time and energy to do it right. I have to be diligent with all the plans and lists put in front of me. I have to stick exactly to what chapters I’m going to read and what theme I’m going to focus on. I have to highlight everything and memorize verses. When I sit back and realize all the catching up I have to do, it really tends to make me want to close the book and open up Netflix, instead.

But today, as I finished the first workout of my most recent endeavor, I decided that all these “plans” are just holding me back. They aren’t keeping me on track or making me hyper-focused. They’re literal weights dragging me down in the exact opposite direction of where my sights are set.

So here’s the new plan: let’s just be intentional people with fluid plans.

When I sit down with my Bible, I’m gonna just open it up and start. I’m not going to rely on all the plans I’ll never finish. They work great for some people, but for me it just reminds me how many days I’ve messed up when I see empty circles where check marks should be. And that itself is the literal opposite intent of the Gospel. It’s not meant to be a reminder of where you fell short. It’s a book full of the grace we’ve been given. A book full of stories about people who failed over and over and yet the goodness of God was always there. It’s a book of hope that you can do it, don’t let it become a book of fear that you aren’t doing enough.

And the goal is that over time, as the days become weeks, and the weeks become months, that I will find myself being drawn to the Word. The goal is to find so much more pleasure in breathing in these words of grace than checking off a box in my phone. The goal is to be free from the pressure of following the “rules” and to look forward to hearing and learning and growing in the Word of God again.

So wherever you are in life, if you’re feeling like you just can’t seem to keep up with the plans you’ve set in front of you. I would encourage you to just take a breather. Sit back and evaluate where that pressure is coming from, and keep in mind that whether it’s working out or reading your Bible or anywhere in between, all that matters is that you do it – one way or the other with great intention. Don’t let the rules keep you from playing the game.